I Want to Be a Grandma When I Grow Up

I’ve been told a story that when I was little (I imagine 5 or so…) and was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered definitively that I wanted to be a Grandma. I’ve always thought this was a cute silly story, but today I was thinking that I think I was a 5 year old little genius. Let me ‘splain.

My whole life, I’ve always looked forward to the years I’m in right now. The young family years – mostly my 30s. Even when I was young, I knew this would be an amazing time of life, and I’ve always been drawn to kids and babies. Of course my understanding of the blessing of children has matured and expounded exponentially since my pre-children days. I love it as much as I thought I would and a thousand times more. I have two close friends, one of whom is also a relative, who are ready to embark on the adventure that is motherhood. I hate so so much that it’s hard or slow for some who will clearly be amazing parents and sometimes so easy for those who aren’t ready. In some small ways, I feel like I want that blessing for my two friends as much or more than they do since I’ve experienced those sweet moments with my kids and can’t wait for them to experience the same. It feels like not enough to simply join them in prayer in hopes that God’s timing is within sight.

When I think of God’s calling on my life, it certainly relates to sharing his good news with others – both near and far. I love some of the mission work we’ve done with our church, and I’m so excited to bless our new Compassion International adopted child Alexandra in Peru. But I feel like my work with my own children is equally important to all that. I’m helping mold 3 little creatures who will go out and execute God’s calling on their 3 lives, and they’ll mold their own children who will then execute their calling on THEIR lives…and thinking beyond that is overwhelming.

I certainly don’t want to speed up today – not at all. But the day when I can see my children experience this joy that I have now is a super exciting one. People ask us all the time since we’ve had Nathan if we’re done having children. James answers with an emphatic yes. :) I understand where he’s coming from, but at the same time I could NEVER be upset to learn that I’m pregnant. I don’t think it’s possible for me. I’m blessed in that I have great pregnancies, but it’s more than that. I could never be upset that God entrusted us with another life. Having more does seem intimidating right now, but my truthful answer to that question is that I’m content with whatever God has in mind. Whether our Wiebehaus is complete or not.

As I’ve mentioned recently, God has really been working on my heart as it relates to gratefulness and the existence of his grace in both good and, perhaps more importantly, the bad. Another friend posted a horribly sad link yesterday about a little boy who is 4 and, aside from a true miracle, is going to die soon of cancer. Of course I cried as I read the blog post from his sweet mother, but God has showed me to see that there’s such grace and blessing in those precious 4 years and no more was guaranteed or – dare i say it – deserved. This isn’t a thought I would have had a year ago. Could I think that if I were in the position of that precious mother? I cannot truthfully answer without being there – nor can I allow my mind to fully go all the way there, but I pray that I could. Grief…oh yes. Sadness…immense. Heartbreak…immeasurable. But gratefulness? Could it be possible? Maybe….only with God’s help.

And with much gratefulness, I don’t have to go there today. Today, I soak up these sweet baby grins from Nathan, Emma’s hilarious phrases and Ellie’s precious cuddles – not to mention the glances that say more than words could with my husband. I’m aware of our mission with these kids (as well as teaching them by example to take the mission to our community and the world), and in the end…I really do want to be a Grandma when I grow up.

Ponderings from 2 Days in the Life of a Mom of Three Littles

This week is my first week back to my normal 80% schedule at work after taking 3 1/2 months off to spend with our newest addition and his big sisters. My schedule includes working half days (mornings) from home on Mondays and Tuesdays. Here’s a rundown of those two days this week as well as my ponderings to follow. Note that James works late both of these days, so I don’t see him until after 9pm.

Monday: Nathan wakes up at a good time, feed him, get going on work early around 7am. Stop work around 9:30 as the ladies in my Bible study had planned a small outreach that morning. Completed our task by 10:45 and was back to work by 11. Finished up work at 1, fed Nathan, got birthday presents ready, scarfed down my own lunch and went to get Emma from school. Played on the playground between pickups and chatted with friends, went to get Ellie from school. Straight home to change clothes for gymnastics class and off to a sweet little friend’s birthday party. Stayed at the party for 45 minutes (where I fed Nathan) and then jetted over to gymnastics class. Watched gymnastics class and then scooted the kids to the gym child care so I could attend my Turbo Kickbox class. Punch out my stresses, finish, get kids home, make the girls dinner, feed Nathan, scarf down some dinner for myself and start bedtime. Kids in bed by 8:30, kitchen cleaned, and take a bath while watching one of my silly tv shows. Ahhhh….

Tuesday: Work from home from 8-12:30 stopping once to feed Nathan. Nathan rejects that feeding all over our bed on the sheets we just washed. Strip bed, James starts sheets, I keep working. I think I’ll have from 12:30 – 1:30 to get lunch and get some things done around the house while Nathan sleeps, but he wakes up right at 12:30 screaming. I quickly make myself a lunch and eat while nursing. Out the door at 1:40 to go get Emma from school. Talk with friend on the way and decide to cancel Bible Study which was supposed to be at my house at 8pm. (What a blessing that will turn out to be.) Play on playground again and chat with friends again. Off to get Ellie and on to a friend’s house for our standing Tuesday play date. Nathan who was asleep during Emma’s pickup and playgrounding wakes up on the way to get Ellie and screams all through the waiting and drive to said friend’s house. The screaming starts to wear on me. I feed him at friend’s house and then go to change his diaper to learn that he’s had a blow out onto his clothes. Excellent. Grateful for change of clothes in the diaper bag. Change him. After 20 minutes of happy, the screaming starts again. Finally get him to sleep right before we leave and pray for a long nap in the car seat. While at friend’s house, check email to see that Ellie has soccer practice at 5:45. Ack! James mentioned this, but it didn’t make it onto my mental Tuesday calendar. Load kids up, leave friend’s house at 5:15, race home to get some soccer clothes, make it to soccer practice about 10 minutes late with no camping chairs to sit in. Stand and watch practice. The baby screaming starts again about 6:20 and continues until 7. Leave practice with screaming baby, hit up McDonald’s drive through, get home and again eat while nursing. Yell at the girls for arguing and fussing. Get kids to bed, lament the fact that I still have to put the sheets back on our California King on my own, and wish I’d had the energy to give the kids a bath. Can you imagine if I then had to host Bible Study? Eeek!

Kudos to anyone who actually read through all that madness, but here’s my point. Monday was insane, and I clearly packed too many things in. Yet, I finished it feeling like Superwoman. A supermom who kept it together and even got a great workout in at the end of the day. I thoroughly enjoyed my children and felt like I got my work accomplished well. But…don’t worry. I didn’t pat myself on the back too much about this, as I know all too well that the Tuesdays come. The days where you’re exhausted by noon and don’t even know why because you got pretty good sleep (considering you have a 3 month old). The days where you yell at the kids and regret it the second it’s out of your mouth. The days where you’ve also packed too much in but you don’t even know it yet because the surprise soccer practice pops up out of nowhere. The days where it seems like the kids whine and fuss more than is normal. The days where you baby who has been in a pretty good routine decides to scream three times more than normal.

The amazing thing, though, is that my blessings were the same both days. This is what I will choose to focus on as I close the books on a challenging day. Both days, I had a great husband who helped me with the kids especially in the mornings. Both days, I worked a job I enjoy and get paid well for. Both days, I spent time with my precious children who, amazingly, love me unconditionally even when I’m unkind to them. (Literally, two minutes after I yelled at them for not moving quickly tonight, Ellie says “Mom…I love you.”) Both days, God calmed my heart and was with me. Both days, my little clan was healthy. Both days, my kids had fun. I could go on and on.

My two little days mimic our lives in general, do they not? The characteristics of the days (or months or seasons) are different, and the blessings are different, but it’s all still there. Even in the worst of situations, I believe God is still there and there is good to be found. My little rough day on Tuesday was nothing, but I’m grateful God showed me the blessing in it. I pray that He’s grooming me to see the blessing in my next crisis and to be able to walk through it with Him in full faith that He’s working it for my good no matter how painful the road may be.