Sunday, April 22, 2012

I Want to Be a Grandma When I Grow Up

I’ve been told a story that when I was little (I imagine 5 or so…) and was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered definitively that I wanted to be a Grandma. I’ve always thought this was a cute silly story, but today I was thinking that I think I was a 5 year old little genius. Let me ‘splain.

My whole life, I’ve always looked forward to the years I’m in right now. The young family years – mostly my 30s. Even when I was young, I knew this would be an amazing time of life, and I’ve always been drawn to kids and babies. Of course my understanding of the blessing of children has matured and expounded exponentially since my pre-children days. I love it as much as I thought I would and a thousand times more. I have two close friends, one of whom is also a relative, who are ready to embark on the adventure that is motherhood. I hate so so much that it’s hard or slow for some who will clearly be amazing parents and sometimes so easy for those who aren’t ready. In some small ways, I feel like I want that blessing for my two friends as much or more than they do since I’ve experienced those sweet moments with my kids and can’t wait for them to experience the same. It feels like not enough to simply join them in prayer in hopes that God’s timing is within sight.

When I think of God’s calling on my life, it certainly relates to sharing his good news with others – both near and far. I love some of the mission work we’ve done with our church, and I’m so excited to bless our new Compassion International adopted child Alexandra in Peru. But I feel like my work with my own children is equally important to all that. I’m helping mold 3 little creatures who will go out and execute God’s calling on their 3 lives, and they’ll mold their own children who will then execute their calling on THEIR lives…and thinking beyond that is overwhelming.

I certainly don’t want to speed up today – not at all. But the day when I can see my children experience this joy that I have now is a super exciting one. People ask us all the time since we’ve had Nathan if we’re done having children. James answers with an emphatic yes. :) I understand where he’s coming from, but at the same time I could NEVER be upset to learn that I’m pregnant. I don’t think it’s possible for me. I’m blessed in that I have great pregnancies, but it’s more than that. I could never be upset that God entrusted us with another life. Having more does seem intimidating right now, but my truthful answer to that question is that I’m content with whatever God has in mind. Whether our Wiebehaus is complete or not.

As I’ve mentioned recently, God has really been working on my heart as it relates to gratefulness and the existence of his grace in both good and, perhaps more importantly, the bad. Another friend posted a horribly sad link yesterday about a little boy who is 4 and, aside from a true miracle, is going to die soon of cancer. Of course I cried as I read the blog post from his sweet mother, but God has showed me to see that there’s such grace and blessing in those precious 4 years and no more was guaranteed or – dare i say it – deserved. This isn’t a thought I would have had a year ago. Could I think that if I were in the position of that precious mother? I cannot truthfully answer without being there – nor can I allow my mind to fully go all the way there, but I pray that I could. Grief…oh yes. Sadness…immense. Heartbreak…immeasurable. But gratefulness? Could it be possible? Maybe….only with God’s help.

And with much gratefulness, I don’t have to go there today. Today, I soak up these sweet baby grins from Nathan, Emma’s hilarious phrases and Ellie’s precious cuddles – not to mention the glances that say more than words could with my husband. I’m aware of our mission with these kids (as well as teaching them by example to take the mission to our community and the world), and in the end…I really do want to be a Grandma when I grow up.

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